Today I am going to tell you a random story, a story that I have never told anyone until now. Once upon a time there was this girl that I really liked, she was the ying to my yang we just fit like a ring to a ring finger. But then I was a wuss. I never really displayed my intentions I was scared.
I pretended I wanted just to be friends. That friendship, was the biggest thing that I valued in this world. Yup you guessed right. After a long period of battling with feelings for the potential future mother of my unborn children I grew a pair and asked her if she would be mine.
Well I never used those exact words I asked her if she had a boyfriend. To which she replied yes. She asked, “why?” to which I replied “nothing”. Thing is, I felt like I would be snatching away someones joy so me and my good self decided I wouldn’t, I felt like if I made a move I’d be a relationship breaker of some sorts.
We were still good friends and I repressed all these feelings until one day I decided you know what? What is the worst that could ever happen? What did I stand to lose? I told her I needed her to be my girlfriend, she told me she was still with him. But then she asked if she left him I’d love her forever? My heart was screaming yes, but my head was screaming “I’m not sure Kel, you know you have no experience in this shit whatsoever?”. So I told her I wouldn’t give promises. And she told me if she was to leave where she is, no matter how unrewarding it was there had to be some guarantees…
Just like that I lost her the second time. I don’t know if Prince Charles and Camilla can identify, can you? For about a week I was distraught, I didn’t know how to deal, cope with all this emotional ups and downs. My mom always makes fun of me during that period. Apparently she noticed and knew all that was going on haha.
Now that I am way older I usually look back and laugh. Like the alchemist told the boy, one is loved because one is loved, there is no reason needed for loving. But don’t go loving people’s spouses you will get shot my friend. Follow your heart to where it leads you.
Also published on Medium.